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Camp update

Thank you to all of you who in some way
supported camp. We had 25 kids come
which is our biggest group yet. Of course,
a week before camp the location became
unavailable. But it was a blessing because
God provided a different location that was
much better suited for our needs. It was a
little farther from Sumy but we were all by
ourselves and it was much nicer. It was a
little more expensive as we needed heat
this time of year. But it was completely
covered by all that sponsored.
We had a big chunk of older kids and then the newly graduated kids. I was a little anxious that they were not going to mix so well. But they really did and we had no problems. Our camp theme was freedom in Christ. And many of the older kids were very intent on listening. It was also very personal to me because the new group of kids that just graduated were “my” kids. They were just finishing 3rd grade when I first went the orphanage and I have walked beside them. I still cannot believe they just
graduated.

Our days consisted of worship, morning bible meetings,
small group discussions, crafts, free time, sports, capture
the flag, and just good fellowship. One night we talked
about sin and how God forgives us and wants us to let it
go. So the kids wrote down some sins they had been
holding on to. We had a bonfire and they burned them.
We then had worship and s’mores. The kids who had
never been to a camp with us before, this was their first
time even seeing s’mores.

Our last night we had a man from our church come and share his
testimony. When he was younger he had been to prison
for 5 years. While in prison, he became a Christian and
is now living for the Lord. It was really neat to see how
much the kids listened. This really applies to their lives
as almost everyone has someone close to them that has
been in or is in prison.
We were able to reconnect with kids that have not been
around as much as well as minister to the ones that are
fresh out of the orphanage. We have even done some follow up trade school visits to some of the kids
who are just out of the orphanage.Thank you all so very much for all the prayers. I know I truly felt God
working through this camp.

Ups and Downs...

What should have been a routine trip definitely turned out to be not be. They day I was leaving to return back to Ukraine I got up with plenty of time to make the trip to the airport. What should have taken about an hour and 15 or so took about 3 hours. Annie and I were flying together and so we missed out flight. We thought we would just be able to take the next one. First the guy told us we would each have to pay $250 and that there were no more flights until the next day. He ended up waiving our fee thank the Lord. So we went home and came back the next morning to do it all over again. We made it from SFO to Chicago only for them to tell us that we didn't have reservations to Zurich and then to Kiev. Needless to say we were a little worried. But again, God took care of us and the lady was super helpful and pulled some strings and got us on the flights. We finally make it to Kiev and get on the bus that takes us to Sumy. We maybe had been driving for an hour when a tire blows. It is raining outside and we have to stand out there for over an hour while they try and fix it. We finally make it back to Sumy in one piece. I think I may be cursed when it comes to traveling :)

It seems our beginning of the trip was a precursor for the way things would go here in Ukraine. In the first week being back we had 4 kids have trouble with the police. One of our kids Roman who I am really close with had some trouble almost a year ago and had been given community service. He missed a couple so he had to have court again. They told him that he could go to jail for a month and told him to come back again for another court date on the 14th (this was his third court date). So Anika and I went to support him even though we could not go in with him. No one really thought he would go to jail. He called me from outside the court room as I waited in the front room of the court house. He said the judge told him he was probably going to go for a month and he was waiting to go back in. We sat and waited some more and then a lady came out and asked who was there for Roman. Anika went back and they gave her his stuff. This was incredibly hard as he is a very huge part of our family. The prison system here is not so good. I have gotten to talk to him once and he is hanging in there. He says it is very cold as they do not give them much. We need to go and give a blanket, warm clothes, food, and etc. We went today to give stuff to another kid in the prison next to the one Roman is in and it was started snowing. I cannot even imagine how cold they must be. I just keep praying that God will protect them. I keep praying that this will soften his heart instead of hardening it.



We are also having another graduate camp this friday. I am pretty excited because most of the kids coming are from my group of kids that just graduated the orphanage. It is an exciting time in that way. Even in the bad, God give so much goodness. Such as on Sunday Sasha or S.P. as we call him got baptized. What an amazing moment to witness and be apart of. We have been through so much with him and seeing him show everyone that he wants to live differently literally made me tear up. So there really is so much good even amidst the bad.

Insecurities....

Insecurity is like a cuss word to me. I have worked my whole life to not be a "normal" girl. I don't like to cry in front of people. I always tried to never be that emotional girl that is so up and down. But what I am having to come to terms with is the fact that I am a girl and have crazy emotions. I HATE insecurity. I feel so weak when I am being insecure. Unfortunately, I am a girl with a lot of them. I think for so long I have been able to mask them or even fool myself into believing that they did not exist. There have been many friendships, dating relationships, and even family relationships that have really left me scarred. People who should love you no matter what just don't talk to you anymore. I easily do not feel loved. Or do not believe that it will last when people say it. If anyone actually reads this blog(as I hate writing blogs)you are probably wondering what the point is. Well, Ukraine and our ministry here absolutely exposes my insecurities. I work with kids who have been so hurt and burned in life that their take on love is so skewed. Every person in life who loves wants to be loved back. It is just a natural human want. But what I have really had to realize is that I am called to love these kids whether or not I am loved in return. Just as God loves us. I can honestly say I have never poured out my love or life so much as I have in Ukraine. I love these kids in a way I have never loved anyone. So it hurts when they do not love back or when they burn us.

It seems to be magnified so much here because I up and moved to Ukraine. I live so far from all my family, friends, and comforts. My job here is literally also my whole life. We live everyday for these kids. So when they do not return love it feels that much worse.

Today, Annie and I sat on her bed and talked about how much loving these kids shows us God's love for us. He sits everyday and just wants relationship with us. He is so excited when we come to Him. And more often than not, we put him on the back burner or do not come to Him when we should. He wants us to come to Him because we want to. He gave up His son for us. Now, I in no way think we are like God. Basically, even though I struggle with how much my insecurities seems to be exposed on a daily basis, I so appreciate how much these kids teach me about God's love for me.

It is funny how when these are going smoothly here the devil will be extra sneaky to bring you me down. I know he knows each one of my insecurities and will use them against me if I let him. But my God is bigger and I have one of the coolest jobs in the world. I want to soak it up for however long He will have me here as we are not even promised tomorrow.

It has been 2 weeks since we went and got S.P. out of the juvenile colony. So often it still seems surreal. He will be sitting playing video games or watching t.v. and we will look at each other and say, "I cannot believe he is here with us." When you wait for something for so long and then it becomes reality it almost doesn't feel real. He is doing well. Sometimes you can tell he is overwhelmed with life but he is so so happy. He would not sleep for the first week because he was so happy just to be home. We are trying to help him take it slow but today he is already working with Roman. He is so grateful for everything and he tells us he doesn't want to take any money from us. He says we have done so much already. I think the hardest part of being out for him is his friends. Most of them are not doing well and haven't even made the time to come and see him. Roman and him have formed a fast friendship and it is actually really cool to see God's timing in it. Roman is in one of the best places we have ever seen him and him and S.P. are good for each other. We were talking today about how they treat each other. They are kind and considerate which is pretty unheard of for our kids.We have just been soaking up the goodness.

S.P. was sick when we got him and since I think we had all decided to do everything together we all got sick. But even that was a fun bonding time. We rarely have a lull in a storm, so I have just decided to not take it for granted and cherish every moment.

A week ago friday was my kids graduation. I CANNOT believe that they graduated. It was not the way I always dreamed it would be since we are not allowed at the orphanage. But God is good and the director said we could come and even stay for the after party. I had such a good time with my kids. For so many of them we were the only people there for them. I remember meeting them when they were practically babies and now they are going out into the world. It is scary for most of them, I can see it when I talk to them about it. But I am excited to somehow help them with the transition. I have walked through a lot of life with them and I so want to help with this part too.

Yesterday was Roman's birthday. Sometimes we still get shocked that they choose to spend it with us. That we have truly become family to them. We did not do much as he was feeling pretty sad from losing a very close friend just a few days ago. But what we did do, we all did together and just thoroughly enjoyed being together.

Life is soon going to get crazy busy as we have a team coming and are preparing for summer camp. But I know you can never repeat time or get moments back. So for right now I am just basking in the love for the family that God has given me in Ukraine knowing that life always changes and I don't know what is right around the corner. But for this moment I am so blessed by these kids.

Whirlwind...

This past month has felt like a whirlwind. The sunshine and warm weather has finally arrived and I could not be happier about it. We had thought SP would be out of jail by now but Ukraine is still Ukraine. There has been holiday after holiday and of course everything shuts down for not only the holiday but the day after to help with the hangovers. But we have high hopes we will be getting him in the next week or so. We had a meeting with the department in Sumy about returning into the orphanage. It went better than we expected and we are supposed to be able to pick up the permission on wednesday. This is a HUGE answer to prayer. The next step will be calling the orphanage director to see if she will allow us back in. 2 of our graduates moved back to a family house that borders the orphanage. We went to help and I was able to see a lot of my kids. It was so wonderful to reconnect with them. The last time I had seen them was last august. After many conversations with them, I could tell that the upcoming graduation was weighing heavily on their minds. Most of them have been at the orphanage for most of their lives. Going into to life outside the orphanage is sure to be a scary adjustment and I see it in their eyes. I am in disbelief that they are already graduating. I know it has been six years since I first met them when they were just ending third grade. But the time has flown, and I am in shock that they are now the oldest class.

We also had an amazing experience last night. So often the kids we work with do not show results of progress but we know we have to continue showing them love. We know it is all in God's timing and that we may never get to see the good which is a depressing thought. But last night one of our kids we have worked with very closely came home from a church event. I asked him how it went and he raved about how cool it was and how there was about 60 kids. He said they were told a story about being grateful and they all had to go around and say what they were thankful for. I asked him what he said. He got a little embarrassed and said, "I told them I was thankful for you guys. That I have 3 American girls who have helped me through hard times and always want me to go down the right path." I about lost it, as I can count on one hand not using all my fingers how many kids have said this to us. Now I know that the glory goes to God, but it was nice to hear that some of this hard work was actually getting through to someone. And this kid absolutely means the world to me. There is always a cycle with these kids so next week he could hate us but right now I am going to soak up the good place he is in. We had 7 kids here this past weekend which felt like a lot but we got to celebrate Vala's(Dusya's daughter) birthday. She turned 4 and it was probably her first birthday where most of the people in attendance were not drunk.

Thank you for continued prayers as we always need them. We are looking forward to summer camp. We know for sure we are going to do a graduate retreat again but we have yet to know about a camp at the orphanage so please pray with us that we are granted favor.

Spring is coming...

Today marks 3 weeks of me and Anika being back in Ukraine. Today was beautiful and not very cold which always helps the heart. I do not have too much new information to report. It seems as though things have been a little slower than what we had hoped for. We thought SP would be out of jail and come to find out we don't know the exact date yet. We were told it will be next month but not until the end. So that was very disappointing but I know that God's timing is perfect. We are still working on our documents and getting everything together to go back into the department here in Sumy so we can visit the orphanage. We have started preparing for summer camp which is always exciting for me. I really believe God is gonna use the team of Ukrainians we already have here and whoever our American team will be. There is so much need with the graduates and that has been reiterated since being back. I hope in the next update that I will have good news of SP being out :)

Here are some prayer requests:
- we found out that one of our graduates who does not live in Sumy got in trouble and is facing up to 5 years jail time
- that we get approved to go back to the orphanage
- direction for our team here

Back in Ukraine....

I cannot believe that it is already March of 2011. Anyone who has talked to me recently knows that 2010 was a pretty hard year. I was glad to see it go. I was just home for the longest duration since I have moved to Ukraine. It was so good to be with my family and friends. I have to be honest, Ukraine is not an easy place to live. What we do here often is racked with heartache and disappointment. But I know God has a plan for my life. I am not sure what 2011 holds for me. But I do know that I want to do whatever it is He has called me too. For awhile now I have felt pretty detached about many things in life. I have even felt a bit detached in my relationship with God. Although, one thing I know He has been teaching me is perseverance. The hardest times to persevere is when your heart no longer is filled with emotion and passion. As humans we are so run by emotions and then you add being a girl on top of that. I know that the enemy wants to do anything he can to tear us down. And believe me, he is doing a good job. But there is verse that seems to be the theme for the past few months that always comes to mind. Ephesians 3:20-21, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

With all that said, I am very excited to see what this year holds. Being back in Ukraine fighting jet lag, waking up to snow when I am for sure a cali girl, and sometimes feeling like I will never adjust culturally, and fearing I am going to become the crazy cat lady because our cat has been my only joy lately. (I have never even liked cats) I know I can lose sight of what is most important and all those things I just listed are not what's most important.

I cannot wait for next month when SP our kid we have visited in jail for 3 years will get out. I cannot wait to see how God works out this summer for camp however that will look. Sometimes I feel like my heart cannot take anymore burns or scars but then I realize that is what makes me who I am. And God uses those scars for His glory when I let Him. I catch myself more often daydreaming of a "normal" life. And maybe one day I will get that. But I want to enjoy where I am now. We are not promised tomorrow and I truly want to live every second with purpose. I often fail but I am thankful I serve a God who is full of grace and never gives up on me.